Tackling the Temple~Mind,Body, & Soul - Journey #999

 For those of you who knew me as a child, knew me as a teen, and knew me at various times during my adult life know that I have always been the chubby child, the teen with more weight than not, and have seen me extremely overweight OR looking great after one of my major weight loss periods!

Now that I look back at my childhood pictures - most of them I was, YES, the chunky child - the wear husky jeans, the 'I got the wrong genes!' child, the can't buy the cute clothes, or feel good next to the neighborhood hotties - yes, even as children we had "hotties" - the cute, petite, blond beautiful kids!  Guess my stigma started then.  At 10 or 11 I was in Weight Watchers with my mother - Oh yes, St. Bernadette's in Orchard Park - most of the time coffee afterwards somewhere at the Southgate Plaza - at least my mother had good intentions!   I remember taking my Weight Watcher ice cream to Mrs. Church's house for sleepovers, or to Aunt Carol's.  I really worked at getting that extra weight off even then.  Scary thing is, today the cycle continues as I work with my own daughter - who yes, got the same genes - short and prone to be chunky!  Thankfully it doesn't take much for her - she can cut carbs and play her softball and lose 20 lbs. at the drop of the hat. Not so easy at 30 or 40 and now, I'm afraid almost 50!

When I married I was addicted to Aerobics - went all the time and got down to about a 12 which worked for me - any smaller and I start looking anorexic in the neck and face area.  Then children came - it was definitely harder the 2nd time, but I did it yet again.   After I had my 2nd child I was much smaller than now - but I kept gaining from there - Seems I was ALWAYS working on "getting it off".  Honestly, can't remember a time when I wasn't "working" on getting it off.  It was a way of life for me - sadly.  Always so I could feel good about me, fit in, wear the same cute clothes everyone else wore, and look good for my husband.  After all, what husband wants a wife that's 100 lbs. overweight?  I was absolutely sure mine didn't - did he?  I don't care what anyone else says - it's NOT attractive.  They may love you regardless but it's nothing to look at, especially in your skivvies!  Wow, the things we do to our mental state with these thoughts. Who needs people to beat us down, we do this quite well to ourselves.

SO - here we go again.



This is me - Before and After a 102 lb. Weight Loss



Back in 2008 I worked extremely hard, started an HCG Fasting Diet with a Dr. nearby.  Basically, you took HCG injections daily (by yourself), spent hundreds of dollars on HCG, saw the doctor once a month and the weight just fell off.  And it did.  In a matter of about 7 months, I lost a whopping 102 lbs.  Most of that was in the first 4 months.   It was absolutely amazing.  I trained doing Cross Fit (which I hated but loved how I felt afterwards!), a little bit of Muay Thai (which I absolutely LOVED and would love to do more of!) , and even ran my 1st race.  I was the happiest I have ever been in my life!  At 43 years old I felt like I was in a dream.  I was buying clothes in the juniors and wearing my daughters shirts.  I even had some American Eagle shirts! (which if you shop there know they are made for the 'petite' world). Above is a before and after picture - the after was taken on my 43rd birthday.

I was getting tons of attention and loved it.  My marriage, which has always been a bit trying, was super strained.  I was walking a dangerous path and felt like the road to divorce was near after 15 years.  Wedding rings were off, our paths were going in opposite directions and sadly, GOD was nowhere in sight. Seems neither my husband nor I remembered our vows.  During this time I ate myself into oblivion, stopped with the HCG and the doctor (the money being invested could have built a small house I'm sure!).  I went from wearing cute clothes, working out - to eating anything and everything and blowing up like a balloon.  I refused to buy "NEW" clothes - so the consignment shops and Goodwill got lots of my attention as I rebuilt my FAT wardrobe.  I had given all my FAT clothes away - every stitch of them, vowing never to return to them.  What a mistake that was (or was it)?  The pounds kept coming and coming and coming - and my willpower and engery level kept going, going, going - down, down down. To this day, I'm fighting for it to return. Something has to be different this time!

It was at this time that I was reconnected with my foster brother and his family.  God knows just what we need when we need it.  I was invited to their church and went.  It was there I found my church home-my church family and was finally saved from the world as I knew it. I built a relationship with Jesus Christ, understood his place in my life, and spiritually was full to the top!  This was about 4 years ago. Although my spiritual life was AMAZING.  And it remains AMAZING - I love my Lord and Savior with every inch of my being - with every single pound! However, the weight continued to pile on.  Today, I have gained every bit of that 102 lbs. back. Much to my DISGUST - and yes, that's the only word for it.  It's totally disgusting and regardless what anyone tells you - there is absolutely no way to feel good about yourself, your life, or anything when you are 102 lbs. overweight. Not even loving Jesus more than yourself can get you over the mental state you are in at 100 lbs. overweight.  It's because we are HUMAN that it DOES matter that we're 100 lbs. over weight.  We are made of flesh and have fleshly ways.  Below, I am getting ready to start my 1st race with my trainer, beautiful and awesome Stephanie. She ran my pace and stayed with me every step of the way. Do you know how it feels to accomplish that after being 100 lbs. overweight?  So, gain it back - REALLY KELLEY?

See the hard work!  Praise God now for Paul Beckwith, http://www.carolinacrossfit.org/,  for his time with me.  For Stephanie Roberts' time with me, for every single person that invested in me to reach my goals. Even the doctor and his HCG program.  It works people - but I can't speak to it working forever without continued maintenance because I failed the last part of the program.  I chose to maintain on my own and that didn't work too well, I was tired of pouring dollars into something that my Heavenly Father should be able to help me with and that's the honest to God truth.  Too bad I didn't turn to Him BEFORE allowing myself to get to rock bottom.

Paul Beckwith. Owner- http://www.carolinacrossfit.org/

Muay Thai Training with Nik Rodrigues. I loved this, wish I would have kept it up and kept going!



So, here we are - Journey 999, the only way to describe how you feel when you feel like it's your last chance to finally get rid of the 'burden', the 'weight' that is truly riding on your shoulders.  Next step is 1000 - do I really want to get there,  to 1000?  No. No way are we going any further than 999 ~ that's enough times in 46 (almost 47 years) to gain and lose the same 100 lbs.

Today, I am sharing my story with you and with my Heavenly Father as this is the start of a brand new day. It is a testimony to Him that I absolutely KNOW now he was with me when I conquered my weight - (I didn't know it, but He was!)  - there's no other way to explain the strength, willpower, and desire I had to get the 102 lbs. off.  And yes, I make sure to include those 2 lbs. because they are important!  I worked hard for those 2 lbs. AND, gaining 2 lbs. can make or break a person in my situation, it has broken me. Food is an addiction, some of us aren't meant to eat carbs and whatever we want to eat when we want it and to do so when we know what it is doing to us is an addiction.  It's truly scary to admit and even scarier to think about having to conquer.

Today I rededicate myself to this journey - I claim victory over this journey.  I commit to keeping my Heavenly Father at the center of every step I take.  I commit to praying over this journey continuously and giving my Heavenly Father all the glory.  I am not worthy, but He is.    I want to ask that you will walk along side of me, pray for me, and work with me as I go through the next several months.  I will journal often to keep you updated - that's for 2 reasons.  ONE, I need the accountability for my actions and TWO, because this journey is not being taken by me alone.  I stand and walk with my Lord and Savior every step of the way.  Through Him I can do anything.  Through Him I can conquer 102 lbs. Through Him I may be able to help someone else as they battle to survive from drowning weight.  It truly feels like you are bound to concrete, in the ocean drowning without the ability to even begin to see above water.  Today, I know it doesn't have to be like that and that I am EMPOWERED (thank you Lysa TerKeurst, Made to Crave), I have DISCIPLINE, I have DEDICATION, I have  DETERMINATION - through Him I have every tool necessary.   To God be the Glory!  - if you haven't read Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst, it's a book about her battle with weight and how she gave that battle to Jesus and overcame by learning to crave God over food - it will continue to be a part of my daily reading as I take this journey.  With scripture and reality, Lysa tells it like it is and teaches us how to put God first in this situation.

Lysa teaches:  Define your week by obedience, not by a number on the scale!  WOOHOO.  Obedience to Him!

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.     Galations 5:22-23

    ~Self-Control,  it's a fruit of the Spirit!  It's a gift - it's ours for the asking!

Martin Luther King said:   "Take the first step in faith, you don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step"   - TODAY, I take my first step!

"The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try and the faith to believe it is possible"  David Viscott  - the will to try (well, I've got that!) and thankfully I have the FAITH now to beleive it is possible as well!  Praise God for that.

Isn't it truly all about faith!?  The FAITH to believe in the unseen - the unknown?   Today I believe in what I cannot see and I know without a shadow of a doubt what believing in what I cannot see brings to my life - it GIVES ME LIFE.     Today, I surrender to Him this burden. 

Thank you Micca Campbell (An Untroubled Heart) for teaching us we must have a Faith Stronger than Our Fears in order to conquer our fears, our obstacles, even those that are self-inflicted upon ourselves (and there are many).

Dear Father,  First of all Thank you for all of those people you have placed in my path that have been your hands and feet at times in my life when I was truly lost.  From childhood through adult there have been many that I never knew were there for me only as a result of you.  I praise you and Thank you Father for each one.  Thank you for my Pastor, who was instrumental in saving my marriage, for my Proverbs 31 ladies, the authors of the books I have read that have been an incredible part of my growing relationship with you; the speakers, the leaders of the Online Bible Studies, and the many precious friends I have in Christ as a result of these studies. Thank you for my amazing church family.

Father, today I surrender to you this huge burden I carry.  I pray that you will continue to work in my life that I will re-gain and maintain the dedication and willpower I need to accomplish this task with your help.  I know it is impossible without you, but I know All Things Are Possible with you. I promise that I will give you my time and that I will be obedient to you during this journey.  I commit to giving only You the Glory for the results that I know will come and I promise to continue to be your hands and feet to help others as needs present themselves.

I love you Father, I praise and Honor you and givce you so much thanks.  Amen.

Fear Versus Faith - The Missing Mustard Seed

I have so many friends who are without jobs, or their spouses or parents are without jobs ~ and in many cases they have been without jobs for a long time. Their fear is huge, we live in the flesh. Being the practicing christian I am, I know the words God has given me to share with these sweet friends~ the awesome words in our Life Instruction Manual, the Bible. We tell them to pray, wait on the Lord, He will provide, surrender your burdens and allow Him to carry them....scripture after scripture full of our Savior's promises. In Psalm 91:1-4, the psalmist wrote:

He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust,
Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge.
His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

WOW! He will cover you with his feathers and under his wings you will find refuge....It doesn't get any better than that!

I believe in my Lord and Savior ~ in fact, I have complete faith in Him (or do I?)~ I know he will provide ~ BUT He doesn't promise it will happen in OUR time ~ before the foreclosure of a house, for example OR before every bill we owe is in collections. It's in HIS time. Not mine. Not ours. This is where my own personal fear comes into play. I want to be rescued NOW before it gets bad! - not after I've lost my home, self-esteem, and desire to keep fighting.

I will also be rescued in HIS way. Not necessarily the way I have been praying for things to happen. ~ It's his time, his way. Even more scary, huh? It's all truly dependent on HIS PLAN.

So, does this mean I don't have enough faith in Him? Am I lacking?

The bible teaches, HIS TIME is the PERFECT time, HIS WAY is the PERFECT way.

The bible says in Ecclesiastes 3:17, "I said in my heart, God will judge the righteous and the wicked, for there is a time for every matter and for every work".

In Acts 1:7 He said to them, It is not for you to become acquainted with and know what time brings [the things and events of time and their definite periods] or fixed years and seasons (their critical niche in time), which the Father has appointed (fixed and reserved) by His own choice and authority and personal power."

Yes, His time is the Perfect time ~

We need to remember, God sees things from a different perspective, He sees the whole picture! He doesn't just see what we want, but sees what is best for us in the grand scheme of our lives. All is part of a divine order and will be done in it's proper time.

We are taught to TRUST him and SURRENDER our burdens to Him.
We are taught to RESIST taking back what was surrendered.
We are taught to Pray over the situation.
AND, we are taught to Have FAITH - as Micca Campbell says in her book "An Untroubled Heart" - we need a faith stronger than our fear.

What is Faith? 'Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen' Hebrews 11:1

In Matthew 17:20,"Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

How do you keep faith? How do you accept God's timing? This is a struggle for me and for many others; however, it is my goal to work on building this faith - the kind of faith that can move mountains.

When you are facing a huge challenge and are attempting to wait patiently on the work you KNOW God will do in your life, how do you keep solid in your faith? How do you remain understanding with God on when and how he delivers? I would love to hear your ideas and thoughts!

Dear God,

Thank you for providing for our every need. Thank you for the continuous blessings of Your Word. Father, please help us grow our Faith in You. Teach us to wait for you and teach us to be content with your timing and your actions. We love you Father, you are the ever powerful - the only perfect - and we are so blessed to know you personally and to be on the receiving end of a love like no other. We ask these things in your name, Amen.

Spiritually Unequal Marriage

Tonight is one of those nights being married to someone (as my friends Lynn Donovan and Dineen Miller- Authors of Winning Him Without Words would say is) spiritually unequal has been a REAL challenge! My Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde husband was totally rude and to put it bluntly a real jerk tonight. He proceeded to snap at me more than once at my daughters game and in front of other team parents. He walked to the car after the game with his buddy leaving me to walk alone several feet back, took a bag of drinks and swung it to hit my arm instead of saying excuse me to get my attention so I would take it.....need I go on? I felt my blood pressure soar with each incident!

If you're in a spiritually unequal marriage you may understand exactly where I am coming from with this. When one partner chooses to surrender to Christ and transform taking on Christ-Like behavior and the other doesn't, it makes for very rough waters for sure. All of us have bad days; however, I find now that I have a relationship with Jesus I am extremely conscious of my actions and how I treat others....and if I am short or rude to someone, an apology comes much easier than it did in my prior life.

So, what did I do? Came home, fed the dogs, grabbed my laptop and bible and retreated to the bedroom ~ removing myself from the situation seemed like the best way to handle this. Thank God for teaching me how to gain Peace with my husband regardless of the situation.

Ephesians 4:31 says ' Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you.

Well, this scripture is a tall order when you are dealing with someone who has spent most of the night hurting your feelings or making you mad. It would be so much easier to fly off the handle with my husband and remind him in no uncertain terms, "HON, You are to love your wife just as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her (Eph 5:25) AND you are to "love your wives as your own body"(vs 28) ~ or even to remind him that he is SUPPOSE to be the spiritual head of our home. But I know, this is not to be. This would spark a fire, in the form of a massive argument, that would end up making me say things that would put me in a category similar to his, losing my Christ-like behavior! - so instead,

I consider his day....He works 24/7 in a towing and recovery business (I typically work 8-5, M-F). He deals with customer's all day long and some days are especially trying for him. He has a couple of back up drivers; however, with my husband, no one ever does the job like he would - therefore they are lacking and cause him frustration. (these guys work hard and give him the chance to have a break). It was hot outside today in high 80's and much of his work is physical labor (I sat in my air conditioned office all day) - in reviewing the facts, I see better why he was so 'cranky'. Does it excuse the way he acted, no. But in thinking about it, I can have a little compassion and be a 'Peacemaker'. After all, it's not always like this.

Counseled by my pastor, reading the book noted above by Lynn and Dineen, and considering much sought out advice - I know that I need to continue to live in the image of Christ. My transformation and walk may be just the seed my husband needs to see in order to seek out Jesus and gain salvation.

For many years my husband and I were spiritually equal - neither one of us chose to live Christ-like and our relationship was rockier than it has ever been. It was the easy way to live~ but sure was rocky.

Now I give Jesus 150%, every day and pray for my husband constantly. I know that Jesus is in control and that He works miracles. I also believe without a shadow of a doubt that he will find Christ and transform into a God-Fearing Man, wonderful husband, and father. (He isn't a bad husband or father, in fact, quite the opposite; but I want to see him as the spiritual head of our home where Jesus created him to be). I also understand this will be in GOD's time. Not my time, Not my husband's time - strictly God's time. Until then, we keep on keeping on!

~~~~Chew on this for a bit........Your attitude and behavior with your Spiritually Unequal Husband is a CHOICE. Pray and allow God to direct your path.

Heavenly Father, I pray for all the marriages out there in the world that are not spiritually equal. It is my prayer that thru seeing the Christ-like behavior of a spouse, a seed will be planted bringing the marriage to a united front, with Jesus. I pray for my own marriage Father, that you will continue to do your work and that my husband will soon find the desire to become a newly transformed Child of God and take his place at the head of our household. I thank you Father for the many, many blessings. We love you, honor you, and worship you. In your holy name we pray. Amen.

Take a minute and read a great related devotion from sweet Lysa TerKeurst, Proverbs 31 Ministries. See link to the Lysa's devotion from today 'Women, Stop Praying'

The Voice of Compassion

All of my bible study ladies and friends were praying about picking out their "word" for 2012. What were they going to focus on for the new year~what area needed some work?~ what did they want to grow in?


My chosen word was 'Servant'. In 2012 I was going to work extra hard at serving not only my God but everyone around me in every way I could. I want to serve as He serves us. I don't want to have to think twice about serving, I want to Just Do It! Thankfully and prayerfully, I am doing just that. I am attempting to serve more at my church, in my every day walk, I even served at the EWomen's 2012 conference. There is however, something bothering me and it's not serving - it's compassion. In fact, don't the two kind of go together?

Compassion is lacking in so many, unfortunately right now, for me today, I lack compassion with my own son. But I need to leave that for yet another blog~You can help me here though, please pray that I can find in my heart a mother's compassion for my son, like God has for me.


Every single person deserves compassion, even in their worst behavior moments. We don't know what a person is facing or why a person is where they are today. We don't know if they are saved and are looking forward to an eternal life or if they are an atheist. Most times we don't know if they are rich or poor, healthy or sick, or even more - WHY they were placed in our path on any given day. In the grand scheme of things, DO THESE THINGS REALLY MATTER?


If we are walking the walk The Word teaches us to walk, and we are walking and serving as our Father serves us, then a person's background does not matter. Chances are God did place them in our path for a reason. We may be the one voice they hear today and that voice can either push them over the edge into a pit of disaster OR can be the one voice today that will help them make the decision for eternal life.


As you approach today, remember compassion. Look at a person and see their soul. Provide them with the compassion they need to heal or be comforted. Or be the person that plants an incredible seed in their soul, a seed that will grow, flourish, and transform into the image of Christ. Remember, we don't know circumstances, but we certainly know what God instructs.


Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Col 3:12


Dear Heaveny Father,
Thank you for your daily gift of compassion; for loving us unconditionally~regardless of our circumstances or behaviors. Please fill our hearts and souls with Christ-like compassion so that we may act as a vessel and through you fill the souls of others. Help us remember that compassion and serving go hand and hand and may we always reach out to those in need, regardless of circumstance. Amen.

Beautiful Blessings!

I received the most incredible, amazing, awesome, sweet blessing last night! I had my heart set on a ExtraOrdinary Women 2012 mug - yep, just a coffee mug (well, a t-shirt too {smile}) and they told us they did not get any in.... : ( I was very sad until I met a very precious beautiful young lady named Hayley.

Hayley knew how much I wanted a mug and just happened to have one! Apparently the conference saved what they had for the Gold section (and Miss Hayley was hanging in the GOLD)! - She wanted me to have it! (Really?) Hayley gave me HER EWomen's mug.

You have no idea how this blessed me. It was such a huge heartfelt thing for Hayley to do; it came direct from her little heart. It seems like such a small thing doesn't it? It wasn't - not at all! It was HUGE! Hayley had just met me and didn't know me from the janitor ~ but she felt it in her heart to share and make my night and she really, really did!!!! Thank you Hayley!!!! HUGS, HUGS, HUGS!!! Yes, that is a picture of sweet Hayley with Lysa TerKerust.

Sometimes it's the little blessings that mean the most - don't let a single day go without blessing someone in some way ~ not only is that part of being obedient to Him, but wow it makes you feel incredible as well! - you receive a blessing when you give a blessing....just all around good stuff!

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times you may abound in every good work. As it is written, ‘He has distributed freely, he has given to the poor; his righteousness endures forever.’ He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way, which through us will produce thanksgiving to God.” 2 Corinthians 9:8-12 (ESV)

Living Stones for God's House

WE ARE (GOD'S) LIVING STONES ~ WE ARE HIS HOLY PRIESTS

In a meeting last night my awesome pastor put the following scripture up on the screen and it totally blew me out of the water! Not sure about you but WOW - this is powerful! ~

You are coming to Christ, who is the living cornerstone of God’s temple. He was rejected by people, but he was chosen by God for great honor. And you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple. What’s more, you are his holy priests. Through the mediation of Jesus Christ, you offer spiritual sacrifices that please God.
1 Peter 2:4-5

Did you get chills? If not, read it again! I get them every time I read it! and If I think about it too long, the tears flow.....it's amazing - truly God's Amazing Grace!

I sit here and think about the fact that Jesus loves us so much not only did He make the ultimate sacrifice and die on the cross for us and our sins, but He chose us to be a special part of his spiritual temple and called each one of us to be Holy Priests for Him. THAT IS HUGE! There is nothing miniscule about this.

These are large shoes for us to fill.... I totally understand what we have been called to do...I get it. He has made us a part of His church ~ We work together with him to worship, praise, and minister -to bring others to Him ~ to eternal life forever with Him in His Temple! It's a team effort and He is OUR leader.

Dear God, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for choosing us, thank you for the opportunity to serve you, thank you for dying on the cross for our many sins ~ Thank you especially for loving us unconditonally Father, for giving us chance after chance to get it right. Thank you for your Amazing Grace and what that means for us every day of our lives. I love you Father, to be chosen by you~WOW, I don't know how else to tell you how incredible this is....I stand amazed. I am proud to be a 'Living Stone' for you and will continue to be a vessel for your Word, Your Love, and eternal life as promised by you. Amen.

Isn't it Truly all about LOVE

Ever been in a situation where you were feeling a tug at your heart strings or were getting the slightest nudge to do something and you absolutely had no idea why? cuz it wasn't something you would normally choose to do and if the truth be known you didn't really want to do it anyway!

Then those tugs and nudges turn into pulls and shakes and you KNOW you are not getting out of it that easy....you just know that this is God, and he is at work...and you are right smack dab in the middle of whatever work he has going on at this minute. Oh Boy! Here we go! Hold on!

This happens quite frequently in our lives. The question is how often do we ignore it, play dumb, or pretend we were imagining things? OR are we obedient and eventually led kicking and screaming directly to the task at hand? Hmmmm, Me? Play dumb?

In Deuteronomy 30:16 The Lord says, "I command you to love the Lord, to walk in HIS ways, and to keep his commands, decrees, and laws...."

Wow, can I truly walk in His ways? Can I be obedient and act upon every situation as he directs?

In Matthew 25:35-40 (paraphrased) Jesus says, "I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you clothed me, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you came to visit.....Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.

Well, there you have it!

In my direct situation God asked me to reach out to a recovering addict-one that others have attempted to help numerous times. Knowing this, "God, what can I possibly do? I don't have money to hand out, I don't have extra cars to be borrowed, what can I offer this very lost soul?" - - "LOVE", He said and "LEAD"

"Really God, you're sure"? - I already knew the answer.....

Proverbs 11:14 - Where there is no guidance, a people fall, but in abundance of counselors, there is safety.

I took my new friend to breakfast before church one Sunday and handed her a Jesus Calling devotional (I had been holding it for just the right person). After breakfast she took the very uncomfortable step back to our church; where everyone knew her story or had invested time in her.

That was 2 1/2 months ago and except for one very tiny relapse, she remains clean today.

God says in Romans 12:10 - Be devoted to one another in LOVE. Honor one another above yourselves.

and in Colossians 3:12-14 - "As God's chosen people, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience....And over all these virtues put on LOVE, which binds them together in perfect Unity.

It is truly all about LOVE, a love like Jesus has for each one of us!

Survivor's Road ~ The Narrow Path

My blog, Survivor's Road, was given this title as a tribute to the last 40+ years of my life AND as a reminder of the path I will follow going forward - The Narrow Path.

Did you ever go through circumstances in your life, as a child ~ or an adult wondering how you would possibly ever make it through them? You may be like me and have had your fair (or not so fair) share of these crushing circumstances. But we make it.....

I grew up as a child in your average family, nice house in a suburban neighborhood. I had two brothers, dogs, pool in the back yard, and even got to watch the Buffalo Bills as they had open practices! (Loving especially to watch The Juice, OJ Simpson #32 and being proud he was part of the Bills)....little did I know about what the future held - for OJ, or me!

It seemed to start slowly....I laid in my purple room (with my picture of Jesus hanging above the headboard) and listened night after night at my parents arguing. Unfortunately it progressed to my father being brought home missing a tooth and bleeding after an accident caused by HIS own Driving Under the Influence. Eventually it led to his clothes being boxed up and left outside for him and the traumatic end of a 19 year marriage. The painful end to the dream of a normal all American family. It's impossible to describe every incident for you, there's not a Blog big enough, but I'm sure you get the picture - my childhood was not average afterall.

On May 1, 1978 we moved out of our long time family home into an apartment with our mother. My Rock. The ultimate single mother that worked 2 jobs to take care of her children, that made sure we had what we needed, that nurtured and loved and provided for us - well making up for the empty chair at the kitchen table that was once my dad's. I was the Queen Bee (as my brothers called me), the only daughter - us girls have to stick together ya know! My mother had a brand new start to life - new place to live, new furniture, clean slate. Wow, was she happy! and us kids were adjusting. Life was good - and getting better!!!

30 days later, June 1, 1978, I was asleep and awoke to the phone in the kitchen ringing. (this was back when phones hung in the kitchen with long cords so you could cook and talk!) The call I was about to take would change my life forever; you see, I was only 12. I heard the officer say to me, "Is your mother home"? , "Sure", I said "I know she's sleeping in her bed". He asked me to get her and instead of finding tossled covers and my mother's highly teased black hair on her pillow - I found a perfectly made bed. Where was my mother and why was a police officer calling in the middle of the night looking for her?

You see, my mother died that night as she crossed center line coming home after a girl's night out.

So, where does survival come into play you say? Where doesn't it?

I was raised Catholic - can recite mass, confession, the Rosary - but I didn't have a relationship with Jesus Christ; however, today I know that I was carried (like the footprints in the sand) throughout every day of my life. In my story, the trauma didn't stop with the death of my beautiful mother - it continued for years and years - one incident after another - but I survived and in some cases have flourished.

I could not have survived without my Heavenly Father, see the verses below for confirmation. Today I know there will always only be one set of footprints in the sand. My Jesus carries me!

In Psalm 18:31-36 it says:

For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God?—the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great. You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip.

Wow, Wow, Wow! Who could ask for any more than that!? "You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip" ~Amazing! I didn't survive alone - Jesus shielded me, created a wide place for my very full steps - he kept me from slipping!

In 2nd Timothy 4:17 it says, But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth ~ It's a message that must be heard! I survived in order to prepare others!

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 - So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

There is NOTHING we cannot do, nothing we cannot survive - our afflictions are preparing us for the eternal weight of glory...... there is a plan, His plan. We are not alone!

Psalm 23.4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

My Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for carrying me. Thank you for providing for me in every time of need, whether I knew the need was there or not. Thank you for being my life boat. Thank you for teaching me and guiding me so I can now pass the message of you on to others....to others that feel they are in survival mode but don't yet understand you are truly carrying them. I pray that you will continue to give me the words I need to continue carrying the message of you, to others, throughout the rest of my life. Amen.