Saturday, April 28, 2012

Tackling the Temple~Mind,Body, & Soul - Journey #999

 For those of you who knew me as a child, knew me as a teen, and knew me at various times during my adult life know that I have always been the chubby child, the teen with more weight than not, and have seen me extremely overweight OR looking great after one of my major weight loss periods!

Now that I look back at my childhood pictures - most of them I was, YES, the chunky child - the wear husky jeans, the 'I got the wrong genes!' child, the can't buy the cute clothes, or feel good next to the neighborhood hotties - yes, even as children we had "hotties" - the cute, petite, blond beautiful kids!  Guess my stigma started then.  At 10 or 11 I was in Weight Watchers with my mother - Oh yes, St. Bernadette's in Orchard Park - most of the time coffee afterwards somewhere at the Southgate Plaza - at least my mother had good intentions!   I remember taking my Weight Watcher ice cream to Mrs. Church's house for sleepovers, or to Aunt Carol's.  I really worked at getting that extra weight off even then.  Scary thing is, today the cycle continues as I work with my own daughter - who yes, got the same genes - short and prone to be chunky!  Thankfully it doesn't take much for her - she can cut carbs and play her softball and lose 20 lbs. at the drop of the hat. Not so easy at 30 or 40 and now, I'm afraid almost 50!

When I married I was addicted to Aerobics - went all the time and got down to about a 12 which worked for me - any smaller and I start looking anorexic in the neck and face area.  Then children came - it was definitely harder the 2nd time, but I did it yet again.   After I had my 2nd child I was much smaller than now - but I kept gaining from there - Seems I was ALWAYS working on "getting it off".  Honestly, can't remember a time when I wasn't "working" on getting it off.  It was a way of life for me - sadly.  Always so I could feel good about me, fit in, wear the same cute clothes everyone else wore, and look good for my husband.  After all, what husband wants a wife that's 100 lbs. overweight?  I was absolutely sure mine didn't - did he?  I don't care what anyone else says - it's NOT attractive.  They may love you regardless but it's nothing to look at, especially in your skivvies!  Wow, the things we do to our mental state with these thoughts. Who needs people to beat us down, we do this quite well to ourselves.

SO - here we go again.

This is me - Before and After a 102 lb. Weight Loss

Back in 2008 I worked extremely hard, started an HCG Fasting Diet with a Dr. nearby.  Basically, you took HCG injections daily (by yourself), spent hundreds of dollars on HCG, saw the doctor once a month and the weight just fell off.  And it did.  In a matter of about 7 months, I lost a whopping 102 lbs.  Most of that was in the first 4 months.   It was absolutely amazing.  I trained doing Cross Fit (which I hated but loved how I felt afterwards!), a little bit of Muay Thai (which I absolutely LOVED and would love to do more of!) , and even ran my 1st race.  I was the happiest I have ever been in my life!  At 43 years old I felt like I was in a dream.  I was buying clothes in the juniors and wearing my daughters shirts.  I even had some American Eagle shirts! (which if you shop there know they are made for the 'petite' world). Above is a before and after picture - the after was taken on my 43rd birthday.

I was getting tons of attention and loved it.  My marriage, which has always been a bit trying, was super strained.  I was walking a dangerous path and felt like the road to divorce was near after 15 years.  Wedding rings were off, our paths were going in opposite directions and sadly, GOD was nowhere in sight. Seems neither my husband nor I remembered our vows.  During this time I ate myself into oblivion, stopped with the HCG and the doctor (the money being invested could have built a small house I'm sure!).  I went from wearing cute clothes, working out - to eating anything and everything and blowing up like a balloon.  I refused to buy "NEW" clothes - so the consignment shops and Goodwill got lots of my attention as I rebuilt my FAT wardrobe.  I had given all my FAT clothes away - every stitch of them, vowing never to return to them.  What a mistake that was (or was it)?  The pounds kept coming and coming and coming - and my willpower and engery level kept going, going, going - down, down down. To this day, I'm fighting for it to return. Something has to be different this time!

It was at this time that I was reconnected with my foster brother and his family.  God knows just what we need when we need it.  I was invited to their church and went.  It was there I found my church home-my church family and was finally saved from the world as I knew it. I built a relationship with Jesus Christ, understood his place in my life, and spiritually was full to the top!  This was about 4 years ago. Although my spiritual life was AMAZING.  And it remains AMAZING - I love my Lord and Savior with every inch of my being - with every single pound! However, the weight continued to pile on.  Today, I have gained every bit of that 102 lbs. back. Much to my DISGUST - and yes, that's the only word for it.  It's totally disgusting and regardless what anyone tells you - there is absolutely no way to feel good about yourself, your life, or anything when you are 102 lbs. overweight. Not even loving Jesus more than yourself can get you over the mental state you are in at 100 lbs. overweight.  It's because we are HUMAN that it DOES matter that we're 100 lbs. over weight.  We are made of flesh and have fleshly ways.  Below, I am getting ready to start my 1st race with my trainer, beautiful and awesome Stephanie. She ran my pace and stayed with me every step of the way. Do you know how it feels to accomplish that after being 100 lbs. overweight?  So, gain it back - REALLY KELLEY?

See the hard work!  Praise God now for Paul Beckwith,,  for his time with me.  For Stephanie Roberts' time with me, for every single person that invested in me to reach my goals. Even the doctor and his HCG program.  It works people - but I can't speak to it working forever without continued maintenance because I failed the last part of the program.  I chose to maintain on my own and that didn't work too well, I was tired of pouring dollars into something that my Heavenly Father should be able to help me with and that's the honest to God truth.  Too bad I didn't turn to Him BEFORE allowing myself to get to rock bottom.

Paul Beckwith. Owner-
Muay Thai Training with Nik Rodrigues. I loved this, wish I would have kept it up and kept going!

So, here we are - Journey 999, the only way to describe how you feel when you feel like it's your last chance to finally get rid of the 'burden', the 'weight' that is truly riding on your shoulders.  Next step is 1000 - do I really want to get there,  to 1000?  No. No way are we going any further than 999 ~ that's enough times in 46 (almost 47 years) to gain and lose the same 100 lbs.

Today, I am sharing my story with you and with my Heavenly Father as this is the start of a brand new day. It is a testimony to Him that I absolutely KNOW now he was with me when I conquered my weight - (I didn't know it, but He was!)  - there's no other way to explain the strength, willpower, and desire I had to get the 102 lbs. off.  And yes, I make sure to include those 2 lbs. because they are important!  I worked hard for those 2 lbs. AND, gaining 2 lbs. can make or break a person in my situation, it has broken me. Food is an addiction, some of us aren't meant to eat carbs and whatever we want to eat when we want it and to do so when we know what it is doing to us is an addiction.  It's truly scary to admit and even scarier to think about having to conquer.

Today I rededicate myself to this journey - I claim victory over this journey.  I commit to keeping my Heavenly Father at the center of every step I take.  I commit to praying over this journey continuously and giving my Heavenly Father all the glory.  I am not worthy, but He is.    I want to ask that you will walk along side of me, pray for me, and work with me as I go through the next several months.  I will journal often to keep you updated - that's for 2 reasons.  ONE, I need the accountability for my actions and TWO, because this journey is not being taken by me alone.  I stand and walk with my Lord and Savior every step of the way.  Through Him I can do anything.  Through Him I can conquer 102 lbs. Through Him I may be able to help someone else as they battle to survive from drowning weight.  It truly feels like you are bound to concrete, in the ocean drowning without the ability to even begin to see above water.  Today, I know it doesn't have to be like that and that I am EMPOWERED (thank you Lysa TerKeurst, Made to Crave), I have DISCIPLINE, I have DEDICATION, I have  DETERMINATION - through Him I have every tool necessary.   To God be the Glory!  - if you haven't read Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst, it's a book about her battle with weight and how she gave that battle to Jesus and overcame by learning to crave God over food - it will continue to be a part of my daily reading as I take this journey.  With scripture and reality, Lysa tells it like it is and teaches us how to put God first in this situation.

Lysa teaches:  Define your week by obedience, not by a number on the scale!  WOOHOO.  Obedience to Him!

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.     Galations 5:22-23
    ~Self-Control,  it's a fruit of the Spirit!  It's a gift - it's ours for the asking!

Martin Luther King said:   "Take the first step in faith, you don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step"   - TODAY, I take my first step!

"The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try and the faith to believe it is possible"  David Viscott  - the will to try (well, I've got that!) and thankfully I have the FAITH now to beleive it is possible as well!  Praise God for that.

Isn't it truly all about faith!?  The FAITH to believe in the unseen - the unknown?   Today I believe in what I cannot see and I know without a shadow of a doubt what believing in what I cannot see brings to my life - it GIVES ME LIFE.     Today, I surrender to Him this burden. 

Thank you Micca Campbell (An Untroubled Heart) for teaching us we must have a Faith Stronger than Our Fears in order to conquer our fears, our obstacles, even those that are self-inflicted upon ourselves (and there are many).

Dear Father,  First of all Thank you for all of those people you have placed in my path that have been your hands and feet at times in my life when I was truly lost.  From childhood through adult there have been many that I never knew were there for me only as a result of you.  I praise you and Thank you Father for each one.  Thank you for my Pastor, who was instrumental in saving my marriage, for my Proverbs 31 ladies, the authors of the books I have read that have been an incredible part of my growing relationship with you; the speakers, the leaders of the Online Bible Studies, and the many precious friends I have in Christ as a result of these studies. Thank you for my amazing church family.

Father, today I surrender to you this huge burden I carry.  I pray that you will continue to work in my life that I will re-gain and maintain the dedication and willpower I need to accomplish this task with your help.  I know it is impossible without you, but I know All Things Are Possible with you. I promise that I will give you my time and that I will be obedient to you during this journey.  I commit to giving only You the Glory for the results that I know will come and I promise to continue to be your hands and feet to help others as needs present themselves.

I love you Father, I praise and Honor you and givce you so much thanks.  Amen.


  1. Amazing testimony my friend! You are on your way! I am praying for you and with you! We can do this!

  2. i'm glad to have read your testimony. i know you inspire me. i'll pray for you. i love you, your sister in christ, Pam

    1. awh, Thanks Pam! that's what friends are for, to inspire each other!!!! Love you bunches.

  3. I am truly inspired, I feel your pain! I have about 85 lbs to lose. I also did made to Crave and LOVED it! I am ready to surrender it all to him. I am ready to restart my journey with you! Let's do this! We got the powah! !

  4. I'm right there with you my friend. I'm 100 lbs. overweight myself and during this study the Lord has convicted me and motivated me to get right and get healthy, not for a number on a scale or a pants size but for HIS glory and to take care of this body that he gave me. I commend you for your vulnerability and honesty here. I wanna share with you a post I made on FB recently that very much says what you said so you know I'm right there with you. Maybe we can be support buddies for one another?


    "on April 30th I will celebrate 5 years sober. 5 years ago i quit drinking completely and never looked back. it changed my life so completely. it opened me up to new heights of spiritual and emotional healing and wholeness i never knew possible. grew my relationships in new ways and gave me a whole new outlook on life.

    i look at my 5 year sobriety anniversary on the 30th as a time to start a new commitment in my life to moving forward to a greater commitment to physical health. i know i've tried this in the past but i've gotten to the place where i realize that the change i need is something deep and meaningful. it's not about a number on a scale or a pant size, it's about the poison i've been pouring into my body in another form.

    i stopped the poison of alcohol but i continue to poison my body with terrible food and it's time to take the next step to commit to nourish my body as God intended with natural foods - vegetables, fruits, healthy grains, lean meats, nuts and beans. i want to push the good things and cut back or cut out the bad things. if i want the next half of my life to be one of joy and health i need to do all i can to MAKE that happen.

    i cannot keep doing the same things i've been doing and expecting different results. i can't keep wishing to be healthier and not making the changes that are necessary to MAKE that happen. i deserve to be pain free and strong. i deserve to physically feel good every day. how do i do that? by no longer putting garbage into my body. garbage in garbage out. no more.

    on the 30th of April, my 5 year sobriety milestone, i will begin my new health journey and i've never felt more committed and centered about something in my life - since quitting drinking. i know that this is the next step toward my continued healing and wholeness. it is time for my body to begin to reflect the true and amazing changes that have taken place inside me spiritually and emotionally.

    i hope you will all support me in this journey and walk alongside me. i'm excited."

    I actually started this healthy journey 2 weeks early. I've lost 7 lbs. already by juicing meal replacements and eating right. I start going back to the gym next week.

    I am with you 100% my friend and I truly believe God is with us and it is HIS will that we tend this temple that he has given us.

    1. Love you Hope!!! So proud of you and will be praying for you tomorrow on the 5 year anniversary-such an accomplishment. Thank you for sharing your story!

  5. Thank you for sharing your soul with us Kelley! As a female who has gained 60 lbs over the past year, I can understand how you feel. I always said that I would not gain these pounds, that I wouldn't fall into the curse of my genes. For most of my life, I had a great metabolism and I supplemented that with exercise. I never worried about my weight. So, on the other side of the coin, I am appalled that I am near 200 lbs when I have never been over 120 lbs my entire life.

    I hope my words don't make you want to throw something at me the next time you see me. Instead, it's to show my support for your decision to change your life and to place this weight loss in God's hands but also are obeying actively! Until I gained the weight, I never thought about it. And, now it's all I can think of at times especially since I'm still unmarried... However, through the struggle, God's grace is sufficient. His power is evident in our weakness (2 Cor 12:9) I've found that what we take for granted can be our greatest ministry. And, His power is evident in your trust and faith. Love you dear sister!!!

    Sidenote: Lovelovelove the idea of the 999. A great visual for me-not one minute more. Stand in solidarity with you girl! So proud of you!

  6. Tears! Simlpy Tears! Dont give up! Hopefully one day I will be on your heals!

  7. Wow, Kelley, what an amazing journey you have been on! I can relate to so much of what you post here! I share many of your emotions about being overweight. I, too, have just started a Walking Program, along with eating better. It is my Umpteenth time, as well. I also read the book Made to Crave, and found a lot of very good information from that book. I have not read Micca's book; so will have to find that one.

    I'm excited to share your journey with you, and to have you now as a part of our Leadership Team with Girlfriends Coffee Hour!

  8. kelley, thank you for not only sharing your story but also your commitment. i share your struggle in this area but we both know it is our heart that needs to change in order for any other changes to be effective and have lasting effects. thankful for God's work in and through you! <3


Must Read Books!

  • A Confident Heart, Renee Swope
  • An Untroubled Heart, Micca Campbell
  • Crazy Love, Frances Chan
  • Fit for My King, Sheri Rose Shepherd
  • Made to Crave, Lysa TerKeurst
  • Radical, David Platt
  • Winning Him without Words, Lynn Donovan & Dineen Miller