Tonight is one of those nights being married to someone (as my friends Lynn Donovan and Dineen Miller- Authors of Winning Him Without Words would say is) spiritually unequal has been a REAL challenge! My Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde husband was totally rude and to put it bluntly a real jerk tonight. He proceeded to snap at me more than once at my daughters game and in front of other team parents. He walked to the car after the game with his buddy leaving me to walk alone several feet back, took a bag of drinks and swung it to hit my arm instead of saying excuse me to get my attention so I would take it.....need I go on? I felt my blood pressure soar with each incident!
If you're in a spiritually unequal marriage you may understand exactly where I am coming from with this. When one partner chooses to surrender to Christ and transform taking on Christ-Like behavior and the other doesn't, it makes for very rough waters for sure. All of us have bad days; however, I find now that I have a relationship with Jesus I am extremely conscious of my actions and how I treat others....and if I am short or rude to someone, an apology comes much easier than it did in my prior life.
So, what did I do? Came home, fed the dogs, grabbed my laptop and bible and retreated to the bedroom ~ removing myself from the situation seemed like the best way to handle this. Thank God for teaching me how to gain Peace with my husband regardless of the situation.
Ephesians 4:31 says ' Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you.
Well, this scripture is a tall order when you are dealing with someone who has spent most of the night hurting your feelings or making you mad. It would be so much easier to fly off the handle with my husband and remind him in no uncertain terms, "HON, You are to love your wife just as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her (Eph 5:25) AND you are to "love your wives as your own body"(vs 28) ~ or even to remind him that he is SUPPOSE to be the spiritual head of our home. But I know, this is not to be. This would spark a fire, in the form of a massive argument, that would end up making me say things that would put me in a category similar to his, losing my Christ-like behavior! - so instead,
I consider his day....He works 24/7 in a towing and recovery business (I typically work 8-5, M-F). He deals with customer's all day long and some days are especially trying for him. He has a couple of back up drivers; however, with my husband, no one ever does the job like he would - therefore they are lacking and cause him frustration. (these guys work hard and give him the chance to have a break). It was hot outside today in high 80's and much of his work is physical labor (I sat in my air conditioned office all day) - in reviewing the facts, I see better why he was so 'cranky'. Does it excuse the way he acted, no. But in thinking about it, I can have a little compassion and be a 'Peacemaker'. After all, it's not always like this.
Counseled by my pastor, reading the book noted above by Lynn and Dineen, and considering much sought out advice - I know that I need to continue to live in the image of Christ. My transformation and walk may be just the seed my husband needs to see in order to seek out Jesus and gain salvation.
For many years my husband and I were spiritually equal - neither one of us chose to live Christ-like and our relationship was rockier than it has ever been. It was the easy way to live~ but sure was rocky.
Now I give Jesus 150%, every day and pray for my husband constantly. I know that Jesus is in control and that He works miracles. I also believe without a shadow of a doubt that he will find Christ and transform into a God-Fearing Man, wonderful husband, and father. (He isn't a bad husband or father, in fact, quite the opposite; but I want to see him as the spiritual head of our home where Jesus created him to be). I also understand this will be in GOD's time. Not my time, Not my husband's time - strictly God's time. Until then, we keep on keeping on!
~~~~Chew on this for a bit........Your attitude and behavior with your Spiritually Unequal Husband is a CHOICE. Pray and allow God to direct your path.
Heavenly Father, I pray for all the marriages out there in the world that are not spiritually equal. It is my prayer that thru seeing the Christ-like behavior of a spouse, a seed will be planted bringing the marriage to a united front, with Jesus. I pray for my own marriage Father, that you will continue to do your work and that my husband will soon find the desire to become a newly transformed Child of God and take his place at the head of our household. I thank you Father for the many, many blessings. We love you, honor you, and worship you. In your holy name we pray. Amen.
Take a minute and read a great related devotion from sweet Lysa TerKeurst, Proverbs 31 Ministries. See link to the Lysa's devotion from today 'Women, Stop Praying'